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Christmas letter to Simon
Dec. 21st, 2013 09:14 pmSo Sam said you’d probably like a pair of yoga mats for Christmas and I figured that would be easy enough to find here. But I sort of wanted to get you something a little more significant than that. I’ve never had a boyfriend for the holidays before but after watching Teddy and Billy the past couple of years, I kind of figure that this is the time of year you’re allowed to be cheesy and all that crap. So, here goes:
You make me feel safe.
Shut up, Simon and just read, okay? Not a word to me or anyone else until you’ve finished the whole thing. I get that this might not seem like a lot. But, god, you’d think after years of therapy this would be easier to write. Remember when you asked me why I got into the whole superhero gig? And I told you about the Young Avengers trying to stop a couple of would-be thieves at my sister’s wedding? There’s a lot more to that story. We all make stupid mistakes in our lives and even if you grow up hearing your whole life not to walk across Central Park in the dark, sometimes you do that anyway. Because when you’re fourteen, you kind of think you’re invulnerable. But you’re not. And sometimes, bad things happen to good people. Men come out of nowhere and grab you and put a hand over your mouth and… And I think you can figure out the rest. It’d explain, at least, why I’ve frozen on you a couple of times when we’ve had sex. And why I yelled at you after that whole Tunnel of Love thing.
You’re the third person I’ve ever mentioned this to. My therapist knows and Billy and Jessica Jones – remind me to tell you about how awesome a superhero she was back in the day at some point. But I kind of figured if we’re going to make this work, I need to be honest. I want this to work out between us. It’s probably going to be the second biggest mistake I’ve made in my life, but I guess some lessons are hard to learn.
Okay, back to the whole point of this. After the attack, I didn’t think I could ever feel safe again. And for the past six years of my life, I haven’t. I’ve done everything possible in my power to make sure something like that won’t happen to me again. And won’t happen to others. But actually feeling safe again? Never.
I don’t know when it happened but somewhere within the past two months, I realized that when you hold me, I feel like everything’s right in the world. So, I guess what I really wanted to say is thank you. Thanks for giving me that, even if this letter’s probably scared you away from wanting to continue anything with me. I’ll understand if it did. I never meant for it to come out so
sappy. It’s only been two months, y’know? But if there’s anything else I learned from that day, it’s that life is too short. Mom dying a couple of years later helped to reinforce that thought. You’ve got to live each day like it’s your last and if I wake up tomorrow and find that you’ve been sent home or, hell, if you decide in a couple of minutes that maybe it’s better that I don’t spend the night here, at least I’ve told you this. And I’ve gotten to thank you.
It’s the best gift anyone could have given me.
Yours,
Katie.
You make me feel safe.
Shut up, Simon and just read, okay? Not a word to me or anyone else until you’ve finished the whole thing. I get that this might not seem like a lot. But, god, you’d think after years of therapy this would be easier to write. Remember when you asked me why I got into the whole superhero gig? And I told you about the Young Avengers trying to stop a couple of would-be thieves at my sister’s wedding? There’s a lot more to that story. We all make stupid mistakes in our lives and even if you grow up hearing your whole life not to walk across Central Park in the dark, sometimes you do that anyway. Because when you’re fourteen, you kind of think you’re invulnerable. But you’re not. And sometimes, bad things happen to good people. Men come out of nowhere and grab you and put a hand over your mouth and… And I think you can figure out the rest. It’d explain, at least, why I’ve frozen on you a couple of times when we’ve had sex. And why I yelled at you after that whole Tunnel of Love thing.
You’re the third person I’ve ever mentioned this to. My therapist knows and Billy and Jessica Jones – remind me to tell you about how awesome a superhero she was back in the day at some point. But I kind of figured if we’re going to make this work, I need to be honest. I want this to work out between us. It’s probably going to be the second biggest mistake I’ve made in my life, but I guess some lessons are hard to learn.
Okay, back to the whole point of this. After the attack, I didn’t think I could ever feel safe again. And for the past six years of my life, I haven’t. I’ve done everything possible in my power to make sure something like that won’t happen to me again. And won’t happen to others. But actually feeling safe again? Never.
I don’t know when it happened but somewhere within the past two months, I realized that when you hold me, I feel like everything’s right in the world. So, I guess what I really wanted to say is thank you. Thanks for giving me that, even if this letter’s probably scared you away from wanting to continue anything with me. I’ll understand if it did. I never meant for it to come out so
sappy. It’s only been two months, y’know? But if there’s anything else I learned from that day, it’s that life is too short. Mom dying a couple of years later helped to reinforce that thought. You’ve got to live each day like it’s your last and if I wake up tomorrow and find that you’ve been sent home or, hell, if you decide in a couple of minutes that maybe it’s better that I don’t spend the night here, at least I’ve told you this. And I’ve gotten to thank you.
It’s the best gift anyone could have given me.
Yours,
Katie.
